Wednesday, June 11, 2008

A Mother's Guilt

I think one of the worst things a mother faces is a sense of guilt about how she parents. I am constantly questioning everything I do.

Did I nurse them long enough, or too long?
Should I have started them on solids earlier, or later?
Did I hold them too much, or not enough?
Did I make them grow up too fast, or did I keep them babies for too long?
Should I have used a pacifier, or not?
Should I have let them sleep with me, or let them sleep in a crib?
Should I let them watch television or should I wait until they are 2?

There were a lot of things that I did with Samuel that I now would not do with Joseph. Was I wrong in doing them, or not doing them before? I have to come to terms with the fact that no, I was not wrong. I did the best I could with what I was given. Yes, I do a lot of things differently now, but it's only because this is a second child and not the first. I've got a whole other child's experiences under my belt and this time around has shown itself to be a completely different experience anyways.

What worked with Samuel, does not work with Joseph.
What works with Joseph would not have worked with Samuel.

I see and hear about other mother's doing this that or the other with their children and if I'm not doing them I wonder if I should. I wonder if what I'm doing is helping or hurting their future.

Bottom line, it has to stop.

What I am doing right, and what is the absolute most important thing I could ever do for my children or anyone else in this world is that I am teaching them about who Jesus Christ is and what He did for us. When the world ends, nothing else matters.

Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. Philippians 4:6
I want to challenge us as mother's to decide what matter's most to us, and pursue it. Leave behind the guilt of not doing it all, and cling to what is good.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
I am in the stages of starting another blog This will be my first post over there once I get it going. I would love for you to come visit me over there as I being to look into what it means to be a woman, wife and a mother God's way.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. It really hit home for me. I've been struggling with whether I'm parenting the "right" way or if I'm screwing them up for life. Teaching them to have a love relationship with Christ is the most important thing. Thanks for the reminder! I'll be sure to check out your new blog.

Krista said...

What an awesome post....and blog for that matter. I found you through an online search for VBACs (I've had two and although I'm done with having children, I still love reading VBAC stories!). And then I realize half-way through your post that you are a Believer....awesome! For whatever reason, I find myself in circles that are either the "crunchy, earth mama types" that support things like homebirth, VBAC, etc. or the "Christian circles" that wonder why I just didn't schedule the c-section and think homebirth is crazy! This is a great blog! Would you mind if I add you to my favorite blogs list?

The Eckerts said...

So glad you guys both found this blog. Krista- feel free to add me to your blog list.

noahandlylasmommi said...

What a great post. It is so true that so often we compare ourselves to other moms and how they do things and makes ourselves feel less than we are. Being a mom is a hard job no matter what! I really need to stand back and give myself more credit for doing my best for my kids more often! Thanks for being so honest, as I am sure this is something most mom's want to pretend they arent guilty of ;)